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Heather Ryder
"Going through
treatment, I would have liked to talk with another young
person facing what
I was
facing. It’s
a whole different ball game when you’re young. "
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Heather was diagnosed with stage III colorectal
cancer on August 17, 2004, at the age of 22, just 10
days before her senior year of college. Her experience with
cancer
was often isolating, given Heather's age and diagnosis.
Generally, people are tested for colon cancer if they have
a family
history of it or if
they’re over the age of 50. Heather had no history
of colon cancer (or any cancer for that matter) and she
was ONLY 22 at the time of diagnosis. A genetic counselor
told
her that this was extremely rare (1 in 1-2 billion) and
that he was baffled as to how and why she had this disease.
Heather says, "When I was initially diagnosed, I was unusually
calm. I felt as though a part of me had known all along that
I
was
harboring this disease. I didn’t feel surprised, shocked
or upset; I didn’t feel anything. I just kind of drifted
in a numb state for about an hour. I spoke with the doctor,
made an appointment for another test, joked with the nurses
and left the hospital clutching the first prescription of
what would seem like a thousand to come. My diagnosis became
real to me when I had to call my parents and say it out loud: “I
have cancer. Your daughter has cancer.” That phone
call was the hardest phone call I will ever have to make.
Two days after Heather was diagnosed, she flew from her
home in Tacoma, Washington to live with her family in Colorado.
She was treated at the Penrose Cancer Center at Penrose St.
Francis
Hospital
in
Colorado
Springs,
CO by the "best team of doctors and nurses you could
ever imagine."
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Two weeks after Heather's diagnosis, she had a colon resection
to remove the tumor and any surrounding tissue that may have been
affected. A couple of weeks after surgery, she had her first chemotherapy
treatment. Over the next ten months, she had twelve rounds
of chemo, one every two weeks. About a month and a half into her
chemo treatments, she began radiation treatments. Heather endured
one radiation treatment per
day, five days a week, for six weeks. She stopped my regular chemo
treatments during this six week period, but had a continuous infusion
of 5FU, an IV chemotherapy drug, pumped into her body through a
port in her chest.
Heather encountered an unusual amount of complications from
her treatments including (but not limited to) giant purple sores
on
her feet, a
sinus
infection that temporarily paralyzed one side of her face,
a severe ulcer in her colon, two kidney infections and a pulmonary
embolism (or “the
big one” as Heather likes to call it.) All of these complications
came with their own forms of treatment ranging from yet another
bottle of pills to an extended stay in the hospital and on a diet
of blood thinners and glucose.
Heather's Experiences Going Through Treatment
- Missing my senior year of college was definitely one of the
worst side effects of my disease. I spoke with my friends often,
but
it was hard knowing that they were all together passing around
the phone while I was alone, sitting on the couch, watching
VH1 for the twelfth consecutive hour. But I learned that I have
amazing
friends. They flew out to visit, they sent me things, they
made me feel included and they let me know I was never out of
their
thoughts. And as for school, I suppose I received a very unique
education that year, one that couldn’t be taught in a classroom.
- The chemo treatment room was full of significantly older people
in various states of consciousness. Although we could sometimes
discuss our various treatments and joke about the things only cancer
patients could understand, I would have liked to talk with another
young person facing what I was facing. It’s a whole different
ball game when you’re young. On one hand, you can handle
more because your body is usually healthier, but on the other hand,
you haven’t had the opportunity to experience all you want
to experience from life and it can seem like there’s a lot
to lose. The most traumatic event I faced as a young person with
cancer was losing my ability to have children. My radiation treatment
was designed for older people, generally people who had already
had all the children they were going to have. No one really expected
a young woman who hadn’t even begun to think about starting
a family to go through this treatment. Despite all my doctors’ wonderful
attempts to save my ovaries (a special surgical procedure called
ovary transposition and a specialized radiation treatment plan),
my ovaries were shut down by the radiation and I entered menopause
some thirty years ahead of schedule. This was a devastating blow,
but one that has opened up my idea of “family.” I like
to think that perhaps, in the future, there will be a little boy
or little girl who will need me to take on the role of mother.
Cancer may have shut down my baby factory, but it cannot take away
my ability to raise a family.
- As
crazy as it sounds, losing my hair was the best part of having
cancer. After five months of chemo, I had not lost any hair and
thought that I was in the clear; but one morning I woke up with
sore hair follicles and an unusual amount of hair on my pillow.
I panicked for a moment when I ran my fingers through my hair
and ended up with a fistful lying limp in my hands. It started
falling
out so fast; I hardly had time to think about it. Within two
days, my part was two inches wide. It was ridiculous to try and “style” my
hair creatively at this point as my hair was noticeably thinner
each time I got out of the shower. I decided to shave it all
off and just be done with it. I was a little nervous to do it,
but
it turned out to be the most freeing feeling in the world. I
realized that most of us get so attached to our hair, as if it
defines who
we are. I learned that it doesn’t. You are who you are,
no matter what’s sitting on top of your head. I have to
admit, I was anxious at first about going out into public with
no hair,
but after a while I had fun with it. I wore purple wigs to the
movies. I tried on blonde wigs and black wigs. I played with
scarves and caps. I got to have the kind of hair I’ve always
wanted. I had different characters, different personas I put
on with each
wig or hat. And when I felt like just being me, I would take
off my knit cap and run my hands over the stubbly hairs growing
back
in. It was like having baby hair again. It was soft, like a duckling
and so easy to take care of. When it grew back in, it was this
wonderful rich, dark color with a little bit of curl. If chemo
wasn’t so horrible, I bet salons would recommend it for
cosmetic purposes.
The Good Things About Cancer
- Honestly, I feel like more good than bad came out of my diagnosis
with cancer. My parents and I refer to my year battling cancer
as our “gift year.” It was a whole year that I was
able to spend getting closer with my family. I had been away
at school for three years and over seas for six months. It had
been quite a while since I was able to just sit and talk with
my family, get to know them again. I also had time to seriously
think about everything: life, friends, who I am, who I want to
become, etc. It was a time of great reflection. I feel like I
am a better person for it.
- I was able to appreciate the very small things in life that
we all take for granted (as cliché as that sounds.) Things
like getting dressed and running errands became a big deal to
me. I felt very accomplished if I could get out of the house
and attempt to live a normal life for even a few hours at a time.
A lot of times I think that people don’t realize how amazing
it is that they can do the small things: Going up a flight of
stairs without needing to stop and rest; laughing and sitting
up without feeling pain; feeling hunger and being able to satisfy
that hunger. There are all things that I missed dearly during
my fight.
- I met the most amazing people during my battle with cancer.
I can’t say enough about my doctors and nurses. I was able
to trust them completely and I felt that they were really invested
in my wellbeing. They are some of the most compassionate people
I have ever known. I also befriended a 94 year old cancer patient
named Rusty who quickly became the highlight of my chemo treatments.
Rusty was a huge inspiration to me, always making light of our
situations and never letting anything get in the way of living
life. We began to schedule our chemo treatments together to make
sure we’d have each other to laugh with. I was also able
to reconnect with people I thought I’d never see again.
It showed me how amazing the people who have been a part of my
life truly are. People I hadn’t spoken to in years came
out of nowhere to support me. I was overwhelmed by all the love.
It fueled my fight and kept me pushing on.
Bits of Advice to Current Patients
- The best advice I can give is that a positive attitude is 50%
of the cure. The medicine can only do so much; the rest is up
to you.
- Another piece of advice I would give is to ask your doctor
questions; lots and lots of questions (I know you have them.)
If you’re
talking about a heavy subject and you’re too upset to ask
your questions, have someone else ask them for you. Also, always
write the answers down. If you’re asking important questions
and you’re stressed or upset, it’s easy to forget
what was said. There can be a lot of peace in those answers,
so hold on to them. Make sure you know what you need to know
to get yourself through this.
- Also, don’t look at cancer as this huge ominous beast
that has to be taken down all at once. Focus on fighting the
little
battles. It’s like fighting a war. With each little battle
you win, you’re that much closer to winning the war. And
take comfort in the little miracles. They’ll carry you
through.
Heather and her brother, Chris, on the set of Gilmore
Girls
Heather graduated from the University of Puget Sound in December
of 2005, only one semester later than her original graduation date.
She is currently
the Volunteer and Experience Coordinator at the Children’s
Museum in Tacoma, Washington. I has been with the Museum for two
and a half years to date. Heather is also in the middle of applying
to graduate schools to study
advertising. After her experiences with living with cancer firsthand,
she took on the survivorship co-chair for the University of Puget
Sound Relay for Life event, sponsored by the American Cancer Society,
in 2006, and participated
in
the event
in 2007 as well.
Heather says, "I strive to be a resource for people who are
fighting cancer and for those who wish to know more about it. Having
cancer
showed me
that
I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. I feel like if I can
beat cancer, I can do anything."
Heather and her family at college graduation, just
5 days after her completion from chemotherapy
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